Taking control.

I had a bit of an emotional meltdown a few days ago.  It started with a supposedly good friend suddenly deleting me from her facebook friends with no warning or explanation and spiralled from there into a couple of really bad days which ended in a monumental argument with my Hubby who told me I do nothing but bake cakes and make a mess.  I have to admit I've lost the will to do things around here now and for the past few days have stagnated.  I've done virtually nothing around the house, and have even refused to do our Sunday Roast.

Stupid really as today I realised that by not doing these things I'm punishing myself and my kids.  Not him.  Not that I was refusing to do them as a punishment or "to get back at" anyone.  I just felt unappreciated and figured "why bother".  Why bother?  Because it actually makes ME feel good.  And my kids life it.  So tomorrow I am back to normal...

I've also recently become very disillusioned.  I started out doing this as a way to "honour" my Hubby.  And the reality is he does everything he can to make this housewifery stuff as difficult as possible.  So from now on I am taking control for my sake and for my kids.  Not in a "sod him" kind of a way, just that I KNOW what will work and what will not.  I know what makes me and the kids happy.  I know what we need and don't need and from now on I'm taking control and not asking permission.  If I want or need something I will just ask for the money and go get it, rather than asking for permission to buy it.  If I ask for permission to buy something for the house then it never happens. I don't need permission but if I tell him what I want to buy his male logic kicks in and he ends up saying stuff that puts me off or makes me feel bad so I end up not bothering.  He likes the changes I make so rather than bogging him down by telling him all about them before I do them, it'll work better if I just take control and do it.

So back on the bandwagon I go.  I'm still working mainly on the kitchen but most days I do a bit of housework around the place, and today I de-cluttered part of the hallway too.  I've done a lot over the past few days.  I re-arranged some of our messy cabinets, de-cluttered and threw away a lot of items, and deep cleaned my gas hob.  This coming week I want to deep clean my oven and de-clutter some more of the cabinets etc.