Menu planning , exercise and a mild rant!

So I added my next four weeks of menu plans in a page listed above.  Should be fun and interesting.  Tonight is the first night so we're having Toad-In-The-Hole for dinner.

I've been a busy bee today.  So far my day has consisted of getting up (later than I'd have liked but baby barely slept last night and I am feeling very tired right now), making the bed, collecting the laundry and putting it on, unloading the dishwasher, loading the dishwasher and running it.  De-cluttering another kitchen work surface, de-cluttering for a few minutes in my hallway, picking up the floor in the living room, vacuuming, folding some laundry...  And shortly it will be sent upstairs (that's the older boys job)... Phew. I'm shattered.

I've decided I need to start some sort of exercise regime and stick to it.  I'm going to ask Martin to buy me a cross trainer (preferably one I can fold and put away in our bedroom cupboard between uses) and I've enquired about Zumba classes in my area.

In other news I am feeling kind of disheartened about my efforts after a conversation with my mother-in-law and hubby this weekend.  Where it was basically pointed out that I do nothing around here and he needs to "delegate" more work my way.  And despite the fact that I barely get any sleep at night thanks to needing to breastfeed the baby several times that I should be getting up early in the morning and dealing with the kids.  And despite the fact I have spent the last few weeks working like a dog to the point where I have set my pelvis and hips out so I am in a lot of pain apparently I should be doing all three school runs too.  But because Hubby can never afford to put petrol in the car I'd have to walk there and back three times a day.

They basically sat there for over an hour slagging me off right in front of my face, making it sound like I'm selfish and lazy.  And when I got fed up and told them I was deeply offended they both went on the defensive and tried to tell me that wasn't what they'd been saying at all (despite the fact that it was nearly word perfect what they BOTH said). I didn't sit there and talk about how he'll use any excuse not to work.  Or how sometimes we're so short of money that I don't like to eat because I don't believe we'll be able to get more food and I'd rather the kids had it.  Or how he's "so bad" at providing for us that I went through the whole winter (including all the snow) in nothing but my slip on ballet style shoes because we couldn't afford to get me a proper pair of shoes...  No, because I accept our money comes in bits and bobs.  Some months are good, some months are really bad.  I accept he doesn't like to work a lot and will only do it when pushed.  Not because I think he's right, but because I accept that is how he is.  In just the same way he accepts I can't show my feelings in real life, so I vent on-line to strangers and friends or in a blog.  (Although some of our friends can't accept that and constantly bitch at him about how "up and down" or "all or nothing" I am... But that's OK, because I accept they don't do things the same way I do and we're different.  If they feel the need to cut our friendship because of it, that's sad but I'm not going to change so it's probably for the best.)  Our life is a big adventure and I take the ups with the downs.

I was so hurt I told my Mum about it and now she's angry too.  I don't feel angry, just hurt.  I've been very sick for a very long time.  OK, so it was my choice to have our children but HE knew as well as I did the sacrifice to my health that would be and he KNEW that I'd be unable to do much and it would take a long time to recover.  Frankly I'm rather pleased that I've been able to do so much, so soon even if it has left me in agony and unable to walk sometimes.

I don't know.  I feel like I should be angry.  But instead I just feel hurt and like I'm a complete failure at everything.  I can't be a good wife and mother obviously, no matter how hard I try or how far I push myself.

Anyway, as I've said before I don't really do all this to please my Husband.  That's just an added extra.  I do it all for me and for my children.  It makes me happy, it sets a good example for them and makes them happy...  That's all that really matters in the long run.